Sophie turns 1

 

The last 12 months have been a rollercoaster. They have truly been the most incredible months of my life. On April 15, 2012, Sophie turned 1. The weeks and days leading up to her birthday were filled with so many different emotions. Part of me was dreading it. I know that sounds terrible, but time has flown by so fast, and I think part of me fears that every year is going to pass as quickly. But mostly, I was excited. Instead of a recap of the weekend, I want to write about the last twelve months and my feelings regarding this fantastic milestone. My thoughts the last several weeks centered around remembering the early days. Remembering my pregnancy, the day Sophie was born, how it felt to hold her for the first time, the struggles with getting her to eat, bringing her home from the hospital, and the reaction of our animals. Gray the Cat tried to eat her. Hunter the Dog simply sniffed her head, gave her a small kiss, and then proceeded to try and kill the cat when he was hissing and stalking the baby. Hunter has loved her from day one. I also remembered how clueless we were. Nothing prepares you for a newborn. It doesn't matter how much you read, or how much people tell you, you are not prepared. You simply can't imagine the mix of emotions- the sheer joy, the terror, the awe, the sleep deprivation, and mostly you cannot comprehend how much love you feel towards this helpless baby that you've just met.

I remembered meeting a group of wonderful mothers in June 2011. We were all first time mothers, and luckily most of us clicked. Some of us spent a lot of time together that first summer. Meeting these amazing women and their babies changed my life, and in some ways saved it. One of the most joyous parts of Sophie's birthday weekend was seeing all of these babies and their mommies at Sophie's party. Seeing all of these babies, now toddlers, was so special. They have all grown and developed so rapidly over the past year. It is amazing how much Sophie has changed. She doesn't even look like the same baby!

Sophie learning to walk the week before her birthday just added to the emotion. It is such a big step developmentally, and it really drives home that your baby is now a toddler. Steven had a really hard time with it. I thought her new skill emerged at the perfect time. It just made everything more special. I thought I would spend the entire week crying, but I was so busy, the only times I really became emotional were during Kindermusik when Sophie was walking everywhere and the class sang happy birthday to her, and when I made the banner with thirteen months of pictures. Seeing how she's changed throughout the year was very meaningful. But mostly the tears came when she and I were alone, quiet moments, stolen during the chaos.

Spending this weekend with family was very special. We started the weekend off with dinner at Rise with my parents. Something my dad said touched me to the very core. He told us that he looks at Sophie, at how joyful and full of life she is, and his one wish is that he is still around to see her graduate from high school. Sophie has a special bond with my parents, especially with my mom, and it makes me so happy because I had such a special relationship with my Nanny and Papa.  We were so fortunate to have our entire family here for the weekend. Steven's parents, his sister and brother-in-law, and my sister celebrated with us. My aunt and cousin drove up from Austin, and our dear friends Matt and Abby came with their daughter Ella. It was truly the perfect weekend. Sophie is so lucky to have both sets of grandparents, and Steven's parents love her so much. They are very good to her, and we are grateful.

Aside from marrying my husband, becoming a mom is the single greatest thing that has ever happened to me. Sophie has changed my life forever. She has healed parts of me that I didn't even realize needed healing. It no longer matters that my body isn't perfect, that my hair isn't perfect,  and if I miss a workout,  I no longer beat myself up. She has taught me increased patience, understanding, kindness, and to be nicer to myself. She is a gift from God, and I thank Him everyday for sending me this angel.

Happy Birthday Sophie. I will spend the rest of my life making sure you know that you are precious and loved.